Epic Fail

Yes, that was all that was left. It wasn't much, maybe 3 big bites. Honestly though there was no way I could finish it. It was just not meant to be. My stomach just could not stomach the War Sauce.

War Sauce is HOT. Right away I was sweating like a big man doing stairs in 100 degree heat. You can feel every bite burn all the way down your throat, settle in your stomach, and just plain wreak havoc like nothing else I've experienced.

While the heat is significant, the bigger problem was holding it down. First, it didn't particularly taste good. All you get is heat. The texture is of a grainy chili paste as much as it is a sauce. Within the first few bites I knew the battle was going to be to keep it down.

A lot of the squirming and drinks in the video are me trying my best not vomit all over the table. This is coming from a person that when eating out would challenge people to combine whatever was on the table into a drink and then take money from those betting against me. Only with a zen-like focus did I get as far as I did with this War Sauce. The involuntary gag reflexes kicked in big time during the whole 2nd half of the sandwich until finallly, in an epic battle of wills, War Sauce would not be denied. I made my frantic, confused dash to the bathroom. Fin.

Anyway, thanks to my friends that came by to cheer me on and to the My BBQ staff for the crazy challenge that brought us together on a Wednesday night. Without further ado I present: DO Takes on the War Sauce Challenge.

The voices in the background you will hear are mostly cheerleader Ingrid, timely one liners by Rob, encouragement from Josh and Sara, Emily mostly talking trash, and a perhaps a comment made in disgust by Torey.

Let the hype begin!!

And so it was written, so shall it be: On the 23th day during the 4th moon the great Consumer of Comestible is to be summoned to rise for an alleged challenge put on by a local barbeque proprietor.

War Sauce, the adversary, is said to invoke the fires of hell. Many challengers have failed and only the greatest competitors survive.

While this might seem a simple mercenary mission, the motive undoubtedly is everlasting glory.

Join me as DO takes on My BBQ Spot's War Sauce Challenge.

Rules:

• $25 for the pot
• 30 minutes
• Eat whole regular sandwich with War Sauce
• 1 drink (no milk)
• A victorious challenger wins the $$ in the pot.

Some other guy taking on the challenge.

Tomorrow's post: Video of DO taking on the War Sauce Challenge

A haiku about a very bad movie

Where to begin here?

Emilio vs truck?

Shoulda switched to Sheen

Debunking the travel myth

Nothing makes these people feel more cultured, learned, and downright significant than a good old trip abroad. Travel makes you more interesting and others more significant in your eyes. Travel is pretty much the bourgeoisie’s hallowed route to enlightenment and epicurean life. This myth is straight up whack though. It’s time to debunk it and show the emperors of the bourgeoisie are not wearing clothes. In reality, travel is about as life changing as meatloaf because you don’t really do anything unique. So please stop perpetuating the myth and for the love of gawd stop the hyperbole laced recollection of your trip.

A perpetuator of this myth asked me the other day if I went to Africa, would it change my life? Well, it just might if I went to Kenya, ran a fishing scheme, and scored a few bank account numbers. Seriously, who does anything while traveling that “changes their life”? Do you volunteer helping an organization that is purifying drinking water for a remote African village? No. Let’s face it: That’s not what you do. Here is what you do:

• Shop (Mostly likely for garbage)
• Feed your face
• Take pictures (Mostly of yourself drunk by landmarks)

What life changing and spiritual events these things are. Man, if only everyone took some time to shop for garbage, feed their face, and take pictures of themselves drunk by landmarks the world would be suuuch a better place. Our lives would be sooooo much more meaningful and fulfilling . There would be no war! No parking tickets. No Republicans!

What’s even more life changing than shopping (for garbage), feeding your face, and taking pictures (of yourself drunk by landmarks)? How about having your ignorance for another culture completely exposed? Amazing! No, not really. You are pretty much not to get it so keep on looking for that free public WC.

Speaking of amazing, it’s amazing how much perpetuators of the myth love to congregate and gab about their travels. I dare you to take a drink every time you hear the word “amazing” when a couple of these fools get together.

Bourgeois Betty: “I just got back from an amazing trip to Amazingland. It was amazing.”
Bourgeois Billy: “That’s amazing. I am about to go to The Amazing Republic.”
Bourgeois Betty: “Amazing. Wanna make out?”
Bourgeois Billy: “That would be amazing.”

If you are playing at home you can no longer walk straight but this disgusting behavior should make you vomit without even taking the drinks. How many times do you need to say the word amazing (take a drink) to make yourself sound interesting? On average, I’d say 4.5. No wait, that’s how much drinks I need to make you fools sound interesting.

You wanna travel? Great! We all need to get away. Just try to keep it real. Admit you are getting away from work to:

• Shop (Mostly likely for garbage)
• Feed your face
• Take pictures (Mostly of yourself drunk by landmarks)

And if you still think that makes you cultured, learned, and interesting then Anthony Bourdain must be my biotch.

DO