Kentucky Fried Chaos

Dear Mrs Winfrey,

Thank you, Oprah. You are amazing. Time again and again you accomplish others cannnot. Obama can't do it. Fiddy can't do it. Not even David Spade. No, I'm not talking about repeatedly losing weight and getting fat again. Oprah, you and only you, can mobilize the great unwashed masses to come together for the single noble cause of creating a trainwreck for my personal enjoyment. Not only was I entertained!! I also received free chicken! For this I thank you. Keep up the good work.

Sincerely,

DO

When I heard about this Oprah sponsored free grilled chicken meal stuff I knew I had to get there and fast. This was going to be too great a trainwreck to miss. I was absoutely giddy at the potentially chaotic combo of hot weather and huge cluster of hungry ghetto people coupon in hand.

As soon as I rolled up the tell tale signs were obvious: an overflowing dumpster, a huge line, more overflowing garbage inside with a booth being used as a landfill, and menacing scowl after menacing scowl. It was even better than I imagined!

At the front of the line was this irritated grown ass woman . She kept complaining that she was going to pass out if she couldn't get her chicken and leave. I couldn't help but chuckle with delight. This, of course, earned me serious stinkeye giving me even more joy.

"You know what reeaaaaally pisses me off?" I asked a less hostile lady in front of me. Her solemn look of concern faded into a smile when I sarcastically exclaimed, "Free stuff!" "If you didn't expect a long wait, you are pretty dumb", the lady in front of me added. I nodded in agreement.

Someone had to break up this tangible tension, and that someone is always me. =) So my next move involved mobilizing the kids in line. This nonsense had to be driving them crazy. I got them going with a cheerful, "free chicken, free chicken!" chant (I do like to chant). We shook our fists as we chanted. I think some thought I was trying to organize a coup or riot of some sort, but it was all in fun. Then it was time to make fun of the exasperated people that threw their hands up and left when they found out the hour plus wait time. For those folks the kids and I sang, "nah-nah-naaah-nah, nah-nah-naaah-nah, hey-heeey-heeey, gooodbyyye!". We did that about as many times as I could get away with and not have someone take a swing at me.

This helped pass the time until the KFC/A&W staff could fullfill their free chicken promise. The KFC/A&W staff warned us it be an hour and a half wait. I took about a 20 minute walk in addtion to the prior discussed debaucery to help pass the time. Boy did I feel sorry for those guys. I'm surprised we haven't heard of a KFC employee going on a killing spree by now. Those kids are heroes.

When an event this great happens there are always plenty of heroes to spread the love and credit for. This day was no different. Thank you all to to staff with their FML expressions, the unruly herd that somehow thought this would be a smooth process, and Oprah, of course. I don't know if the stars will ever be aligned quite so to create such a glorious trainwreck.

DO